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Johnny Suck's Concert Diary - The Haiku Edition

Bet you didn't see this one coming... After a four year absence, the most popular feature in the history of the CJLO magazine is back! ...In Haiku form?!? Let me explain: I'm lazy and I hate writing. The rotting carcasses of unfinished editions of Johnny Suck's Concert Diary litter my hard drive. No matter how much I wanted to share my concert-going experiences, I just couldn't complete a full-length feature. Then recently, someone (possibly me) made a joke about writing a review of Hatebreed's recent show in Haiku. I'm of the opinion that the best jokes are the ones that are followed through to their bitter, unfunny end. And since 17-syllable reviews are so quick and easy to write, why not do a whole bunch of them and call it a feature! So without further ado, I present to you Johnny Suck's Concert Diary - The Haiku Edition...


Black Bomb A, Katacombes, Sept 2nd

expected nothing
band was tight, catchy, and fun
pleasantly surprised


Downtrodden & Buffalo Theory MTL, Katacombes, Sept 3rd

Montreal doomers
Montreal stoner rockers
best bands in the city**


Fear & Loathing 9, Foufounes Electriques, Sept 5th

so much awesomeness
too much to say in three lines
trust me, go next year


Hatebreed, Club Soda, Sept 9th

went to see Hatebreed
not able to review the show
wasn't on guestlist


Holy Divide, Barfly, Sept 25th

Dutch Oven is dead
make way for Holy Divide
loud motherfuckers


Municipal Waste, Club Soda, Sept 30th

was too excited
got municipally wasted
don't remember shit


Atari Teenage Riot, Foufounes Electriques, Oct 2nd

Ten years of nothing
went only for my teenage self
One hour of awesome


Tee Pee Records Showcase, Katacombes, Oct 2nd

Naam ended early
new Priestess stuff is the suck
was home by midnight

**Among the top ten in the city, at least... E-mail TDTS.CJLO@gmail.com with a list of the 8 other bands who you think I think round out the top ten bands in the city. The first person to get 6 of the 8 right wins a kick-ass*** prize!

Stand Up For Mental Health Interview with Karl Knox

Click here to listen to the interview.

WHAT: Stand Up For Mental Health Day at Concordia University Thursday Oct. 7

DETAILS: ARE YOU CRAZY ABOUT COMEDY?
Fresh from Sold Out Shows at the Montreal Fringe Festival and the Vancouver Comedy Fest ….
Stand Up For Mental Health Brings the Laughter to Concordia University Thursday Oct.7. Featuring the Fabulous David Granirer and the Comics of SMH Montreal!

Don’t Miss SMH Day at Concordia at The Hall Building Auditorium (H-110) Henry F. Hall Building, 1455 Blvd. de Maisonneuve West

One Show: 2:30 – 5pm Free for Students, Faculty, Staff and the Community

FOR MORE INFO: Go to
www.standupformentalhealth.com

News: Monday, October 4, 2010

 

A man accused of making death threats on Facebook will attend a bail hearing on Monday. David Abitbol was arrested early Saturday morning at his home in the north end of Montreal. The 28 year old suspect used the alias “David Darkiller” on the social network. His profile featured pictures of automatic weapons and the quote "Death is the only solution."

Police stormed his house in a nighttime raid less than 24 hours after former classmates and teachers reported receiving threats.  Just before making the arrest, officers warned neighbours to stay indoors and downstairs. Sergeant Richard Gagne of the Surete du Quebec said "we couldn't take any chances." Police knew Abitbol had a number of weapons in his possession because of the federal gun registry. Police seized five guns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition.

Abitbol's father says police are mistaken about his son, who lives with him in his waterfront home. He says his son has a passion for video games and that he was only joking with his remarks. Abitbol’s Facebook friends commented on one his postings this June. One friend called him ‘sick’, while another suggested he seek psychiatric help. Sgt. Gagne says they take cyber-threats very seriously.

Written by: Emily Brass

The Department of Foreign Affairs is asking Canadians in Europe to be especially careful in public places. The warning comes after the United States government advised Americans of a possible terrorist attack in Europe. Few details about the looming attack are known, but European officials are convinced an attack is likely to happen. British Home Secretary Theresa May confirmed that the U.K.’s attack threat level is “severe.” The U.S. State Department’s next move would be a formal travel warning advising Americans to steer clear of all European destinations. Britain, France and Germany seem to be most at risk.

Last month, Pakistani officials said 10 people from Germany and Britain were plotting attacks from a tribal region in Pakistan. Osama bin Laden is believed to be behind the plot. Officials are upping security around the Eiffel Tower and Buckingham Palace.

Written by: Chris Hanna

An Indian Official affiliated with the Common Wealth Games in Delhi has contracted Dengue Fever. Hospital officials confirmed hours before the opening ceremony that the man had the virus and was in stable condition. A Doctor of the GB Pant hospital says the man is eating and sleeping well and might be released this evening.

Nearly four thousand cases of the mosquito- borne disease have been reported in New Delhi this year. So far, seven people have died. Dengue Fever has become an issue in the Indian capital because of the extended monsoon season. The increased the amount of stagnant water around the city has helped mosquito populations thrive.

The government launched an effort to wipe out the mosquitoes that transmit the disease after Athletes had expressed concerns about attending the games. The Common Wealth games in New Delhi begin Monday.

Written by: Sarah Fengary

 

 

Murder By Death @ Petit Campus (Pop Montreal)


As vagabond post-punk/indie-frotting act Murder By Death made their way to Montreal on a cold Wednesday night at Petit Campus, the mood amongst the throngs of assembled concert-goers was rather jubilant. The show in question fell under the Pop Montreal banner, and the festival's first night was filled with excitement and wonder. Everyone had donned their favourite plaid shirt and newsboy hat, ready to be wowed by the travelling troubadors, Indiana natives who told of stories of whiskey and zombies.

As the members of the touring version of the outfit took to the stage, the venue was quickly transformed from some cold space into an inviting room, the barrier in-between band and audience melted away as a quick succession of songs had the crowd falling under the band's sway.

Launching into opening number 'Sometimes The Line Walks You', those in the know began singing their hearts out, while newcomers with Pop passes dangling from their necks stood back and assessed the band. I hung back to the side, watching the door and noting that not one person decided to take off within the first three songs of the set. Looks like MBD were doing something right to win over the tough crowd of this city's indie rock set.

Singer Adam Turla was in a jubilant mood, bantering along with the rest of the band in-between songs and making quick remarks about the themes or origins of a number of songs. The set consisted of a healthy mix of tracks off of their recently-released Good Morning, Magpie album as well as cuts from their back catalogue, touching upon Red Of Tooth And Claw and in particular In Bocca Al Lupo. New tracks like "As Long As There Is Whiskey In The World" and "You Don't Miss Twice (When You're Shavin' With A Knife)" fit nicely alongside older cuts like "The Organ Grinder" and "Brother".

The band's style of post-punk flirtations with a myriad number of other genres, such as gipsy music as well as country and straight-up punk in order to tell weird tales that captivate as well as entertain. Every song is a new tale, and every new tale is just as good as the last.

At about the halfway point in the show, singer Turla took center stage to sing a solo version of the band's cover of Sonny Bono's "Bang Bang" (from the "Sometimes The Line Walks You" single from 2006's In Bocca al Lupo album) the room was still, save for a collection of slightly ajar mouths softly expelling syllables along with Turla. Those unsure/unfamiliar with the band were quickly won over, and the new converts could be seen smiling during the rest of the band's 70-minute set.

The two-song encore felt like a tremendous climax to an enjoyable evening. Ending things off with In Bocca Al Lupo's "Boy Decide" and Red Of Tooth And Claw's "Spring Break 1899", which crescendoed into a good ol'-fashioned foot stomper before the band made their exit.

Terry & Dean Turn Down The Suck!!!

Tune into Turn Down The Suck this Wednesday (9-11pm) for the biggest interview in the history of the show! Terry Cahill & Dean Murdoch!! You may recognize them as the voices behind the show's intro, or as the coiners of the phase 'turn down the suck', or maybe just as the stars of Fubar & Fubar 2. Either way, interviewing the pair was one of the few goals (and by 'few' we mean 'one') Johnny Suck set for himself when Turn Down The Suck began. 

Anyway, tune in to hear the answer to all of the questions that have been waiting 5 years to be asked, like 'Hi, how's it going?", "Sorry, what?", and "Want to do a station ID?"

Turn Down The Suck w/ Terry and Dean, Wednesday Oct 6th, 9pm, only on CJLO....

The Klaxons @ Cabaret Juste Pour Rire

Did anyone else miss the memo about nu rave? I sure did, and it's hard for me to preface this review with almost anything due to my utter lack of knowledge pertaining to the genre. I know more about the Judd family than I do about nu-rave, mostly because of my unhealthy Oprah intake. Also, I currently have no internet. This didn't help me figure out what 'nu rave' meant before I went to see the Klaxons who are, in my mind, the only nu rave band to have existed ever. When I ask my equally electro-ignorant roommates about the genre, they say it sounds "…kind of like New Order, but not really at all". This information is basically useless, leaving me with few expectations for Saturday night. Thems the breaks.

I recall reading about the Klaxons only once in an issue of Spin magazine when they were some kind of new and exciting "it" band for about five minutes. This article has been my reference point for the band going on about 3 years now, and because they were associated with a quasi-rave scene I immediately assumed they were "shitty and dumb". Oh, the number of times I've commented on the absurdity of raving using those exact same eloquent adjectives. If you take a look at my notes from the 'Raver' week of my Youth Cultures class, you'll see doodles of stars, pacifiers and stick people vomiting surround the words "RAVES SUX THEY'RE SHITTY AND DUMB!!!!" All the kids I know who ever went to raves drank jello shooters, had houses that were inexplicably filled with toys and paraphernalia meant for small children though no kids were to be seen and were super into driving their parents vans that somehow always wreaked of Cheetos. Then whenever I'd see them eating Cheetos I'd be like "Ew, that's gross" and couldn't stop looking at their orange fingernails and lips during class cause I knew their whole fucking life basically revolved around Cheetos and raving. The idea of a room full of these nasty little cheesy creatures sweating Cheeto stink fucked up on Ecstasy and grinding up against one another made, and continues to make me feel queasy. So you can only imagine what thoughts and scents penetrated my being when I approached the Cabaret Juste Pour Rire to find a small group of neon haired and hooded kids waiting outside for the show: Cheetos, Cheetos, Cheetos.

I go inside and sit in the balcony section of the venue's smaller theatre. It turns out some other super shitty band is playing the larger one and I thank God I didn't volunteer to sit through that atrocity because, it too, sounded dumb and shitty. The small theatre is pretty empty and apparently the show starts at 8:30, which is fifteen minutes or so from when I take a seat. For once I'm on time and I totally regret it. Everyone is waiting and looks bored and no one appears to be on drugs, which is not something I like to see. At all, in life. While I wait I people watch but despite the few candy kids up front, everyone's a normie, totally bland and awful for people watching. There are a couple of 40-something dudes hanging around with sweaters tied around their waists, which makes me wonder if they just got their period unprepared (YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT LADIEZ). One girl's sipping a daiquiri and I remember some people just don't like beer, even though it seems like the most economical choice in terms of alcohol consumption. I find myself doodling the cartoony words "I AM BORED TO FUCKING DEATH" on the back of my notebook, so I continue reading American Psycho while I wait, most likely making disgusted and incredibly unflattering faces during the gross parts. Finally two dudes come on stage and start playing music without a proper introduction. Um, is this the Klaxons? Cause they kind of blow, and I think the rest of the audience can back me up on that one.

It turns out this band is called Baby Monster and they're from L.A. I miss out on this information twice, but once they announce it the third time they have the bright idea of turning off the distortion on the mic when they speak so we can actually figure out who the fuck these people are. They play numerous electronic "instruments" at a time, which is impressive, but the music is pretty boring and sounds like something played in a club from hell. The only part of their music that really caught my attention was when a synth riff sounded like the opening of the Who's "Baba O'Reilly" which is apparently my only reference point for electronic music.

I also come to terms with the fact I am essentially a 58 year old man. How the band looks is particularly humorous to me and I spend most of my note space contemplating their appearance. They look as if the lead singer from the Smithwesterns started a side project with M.C. Mario and their designated uniforms were skeazy American Apparel V necks and hoodies. The M.C. Mario guy definitely wins the prize for biggest-looking sleaze bag and he kind of freaks me out. Either way, even I can tell that their beats are super cheesy so that must mean they are pretty awful. No one's dancing and I'm getting impatient and worried. If this is what the Klaxons sounds like, I'm fucking outie 5000. In my notes I made a joke along the lines of "…
now there's one baby who should have been aborted", but I think that makes me look really bad as a person. Whoops. On another note, I think I just heard someone get shot in the general vicinity of my apartment, followed by a bunch of police siren. DOUBLE WHOOPS for living in St. Henri, amiright?

My notes pertaining to the Klaxons performance consist mostly of words like "hardcore", "fucking cool" and "that bassist is fucking hot". I had no idea I was going to be hit with such an awesome performance after my boring and seemingly never ending affair with M.C. Mario and Co. Considering I had very few expectations, it was definitely one of the most exciting sets I've witnessed in quite a while. It was loud, it was intense, it made you want to shake yo ass (or compulsively grab at the air, which seemed to be a very popular dance move amongst audience members) and it straight up ruled. Now, as you may know I'm not a fan of perfection as far as live music is concerned and I always appreciate musical that's charmingly sloppy, but I couldn't get over how tight the band sounded. It was kind of thrilling and all of the songs are written in a way that builds perfectly for revving up an audience, which I guess is the whole idea behind the 'rave' aspect of nu rave. It was especially impressive due to the fact I was convinced the synth player was 12 years old for a good chunk of the set. I was like "Please date my 17 year old sister because it would be legal", then realized he's most likely not actually a child. The vocal harmonies, the hardcore rock and roll and electro fusion and their stage presence were all A+ in my books. Also, they seemed like super duper nice guys which was sooo cute. Also also, one of them lit up a cigarette while playing and just didn't give a shit about, like, rules and stuff. This is cool.

Overall verdict: Baby Monster sucks. Their name is shitty and dumb and their Cheeto-wreaking probability currently sits around 98%. Klaxons are surprisingly hardcore and very cool. Although I'm pretty sure the nu rave phenomenon is sleeping with the fishes, you should go see them. They are good and probably smart. Their Cheeto-wreaking probability is virtually non-existent, unless their synth player is indeed underage. In that case, I'd say it fluctuates between 2-4%, cause sometimes when you're young, you just don't know better.

CJLO News for October 4th 2010

News read and produced by Drew Pascoe

 

Stories written by Chris Hanna, Emily Brass, and Sarah El Fangary

Review Thursday: Helmet and This or The Apocalypse!


This or the Apocalypse

Haunt What's Left
Good Fight Music

So This or the Apocalypse, hereby to be referred to as TOTA, put out a new album recently called Haunt What’s Left. Full disclosure, I know this band on a personal level... sort of. They’re from my hometown, I knew them before they had a couple of line up changes, and even last year at CMJ, the lead singer of the band asked when we could do another "crazy interview", so its like I’m an acquaintance. That being said, I have nothing to gain from giving a positive review of their album... Yet that’s what I’m going to do, of course with some qualifiers.

To someone who listens to hardcore, this album really won’t stand out to much. It has that "hardcore sameness" which I think we’ve all come to expect from the genre. However, as someone who has listened to this band from their first EP, this album is leaps and bounds above previous efforts.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that they’ve had two years to craft this particular album. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that they’ve now released three albums and they have a certain amount of maturity that they hope to channel into albums. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Lamb of God drummer, Chris Adler, helped produce the album. Whatever it is, the album is pretty fantastic. This album sounds well polished, and at the risk of alienating their 14 year old audience, sounds suprisingly mature.

Now, I know, just because both of the bands are from Lancaster a bunch of people are going to compare them to August Burns Red, hence forth to be known as ABR. While both of the bands are both hardcore/metalcore/"insert word here"-core, they don’t really have the same style. For this album, TOTA has actually put some melodic elements in and introduced clean vocals on some of the songs. Of course, this gets flak from hardcore fans saying they’re selling out or whatever hardcore fans say about bands, but the truth is that it makes them sound different from bands like ABR who have no clean vocals and are really sparse on melodic stuff. This seems positive to me, but that may be because I’m desperately looking for something that’s not always the same within the genre, and though clean vocals are not unique, the addition of them makes it seem like the band is evolving and could, potentially, do something that isn’t just breakdowns and screaming for thirty-five to forty-five minutes.

So, while I wait for something truly creative to come out of the hardcore family of music, I can listen to Haunt What’s Left. If nothing else, you should listen to their song "Hayseed" off the album, because... well... goddamn, it’s pretty fantastic. I’ve had it on repeat for a bunch of times while I listen to the album, and if I can’t hear anything original, at least I know that TOTA can write a damn good song that manages to be catchy, a skill which most bands within the genre either can’t or refuse to master. Keep up the good work gents, and I will expect the next album to have something that makes my head explode. Anything else and well... it’s not that I’ll be mad... just... disappointed.

Fan mail, hate mail, snail mail: gradeaexplosives@cjlo.com.

(Andrew Wieler)

---



Helmet

Seeing Eye Dog
Work Song

Ever since Helmet mainman Page Hamilton's resurrection of the band in 2004 after calling it quits some years before, he's managed to release a pair of albums of so-so material that if condensed would make one stellar offering, and newest entry Seeing Eye Dog is of the same pedigree. After terrible opener "So Long", the record picks up steam with the title track and Hamilton's all about the gruff vocalizing, random bursts of clean vocals and muscly riffs that he seems to crank out with surprising speed. The first half of the record contains songs that all seem vaguely familiar yet completely new, as per the normal Helmet way. Eight tracks deep, however, and things turn back for the worst. Hamilton, for whatever reason, has decided that Helmet is the perfect vehcile for a Beatles cover, and has chosen 'And Your Bird Can Sing', which doesn't really work well in this genre of music. Terrible flashes of nu-metal acts covering rap songs come to mind, before floating away as subsequent track 'Miserable' tries to admirably pick up the pieces and go on.

(Brian Hastie)

CJLO Wants To Send You To Zurich!

 

A whole lot of Jackass-ery on BVST!

Nudity, stupid pranks and dangerous stunts... it's just another episode of BVST! No, just kidding. Tune in on Wednesday, October 6th from 7 to 9 pm ET for a very special episode dedicated entirely to Jackass 3D, which opens nationwide on October 15th. Tune in and hear Angelica interview her favourite Jackass, Johnny Knoxville. Will they talk about his penis? Probably! Then call in and share some of your best Jackass stories and you could win a Jackass Survival Kit and passes to the advanced screening on October 14th. Angelica will be joined by special guest host Alex Robot of Charts & Crafts, in a magic radio pairing last heard on Umlauts Porno Theatre. Remember that? Neither do we! Anyways, BVST goes Jackass 3D - don't miss it!

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