Read and produced by Nicholas Fiscina.

Stories written by Chris Hanna, Sarah Deshaies, Jose Espinoza and Emily Brass.

That's right. It's gross. It's also not really a beard. But ask yourself as you take a gander at Lemmy Kilmister's facial decor if, even for one second, you give a damn about its beard semantics. That's right, you do not. Now, this is probably because you are distracted by those two whatever-they-are's on his cheek, but nevertheless, let us begin analysis:

News Produced and Read by the ever curious Drew Pascoe

Stories written by Alina Gotcherian, Jonothan Moore, Jose Espinoza.

Read and produced by Nicholas Fiscina.

Stories written by Nicholas Fiscina, Matthew Phelps and Gareth Sloan.

Attention friends, fans and other critics, after a long hiatus, I, The Barstool Genius - The Seagram Sage of saintly advice has returned – ready to answer all your questions and pour the quixotic elixir of wisdom into your souls like whiskey melting the ice in a tumbler.

Recently I received this email:

"Dear Barstool Genius,